So this week has been kind of a downer for me. You have all taken advantage of this blog to get some stuff out and I think I will try it. Maybe I will feel better after. (:
I can't really pin point why I am feeling the way I am feeling. I think it is a toss up of ALOT of things just being thrown at me at once.
I feel like my life never slows down. Even if all i am doing is laying in bed watching a movie, I still feel overwhelmed and busy. I don't get it. It is like my mind never slows down. I think about my baby and my divorce and my family and all the stuff that is going on right now. I think ALOT about my future. That scares me alot. I love Chad and do not regret my marriage and what I got out of it. But there was alot that I did not get out of my marriage, that I want. Now that I am starting over, I have my expectations set VERY high. I guess it scares me because I am scared that what I want, is not going to be out there. That it does not exsist. I am not saying that I am out looking, because trust me, I am far from being ready for that. I am just not going to go for anything but practically perfect. I know that is really unrealistic, but why should it be? Why can't I wait for perfect? Even if it means living my life alone. I just want to be happy. Is there such thing as real, true love???? The love that is in movies? Do any of you think that exsists? I am really afraid it doesn't. And that is what I want.
Denika
11 years ago
3 comments:
Dear sweet Traci. I am not one to give you the best advice but I want you to know what you wrote touched me. As I've read the blogs of all of my sweet cousin in laws and realize all that you are all going through and it is so much. I just want you to know there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Sometimes people do not know what others go through. BUT let me assure you I know the pain of difficult things. I won't go on in this lovely blog post too much about that. BUT I do think you need to know true love is real. Yes divorce is no fun, I've never gone through it but we've gone through some major issues. I know real love exists because I have it. I am not proud of many things I have done and yet I have a husband who looks at me and says "I forgive you", "I love you", "We're in this together." Ya know, I don't know how come I am so blessed but I am. I don't also know or understand why there is so much pain and why it is always allowed. I know that sometimes people change for the better and sometimes they flip out and are very differnt people than we thought. BUT I do know somehow it is all for our own personal growth! God loves you, he loves this family so much. I am amazed at at the strong women I have to look up to in this crazy big Fail family! You put your chin up and keep facing the storms...I will be more than willing to weather them with you! You are a good mom to that boy, who you love so much. Keep fighting girl! Much love and prayers from me! *Sorry I rambled a lot!
Hey Traci...Just a couple weeks ago I was one of the "rage bloggers" just trying to get some frustration out, and I have to say, I feel so much better knowing I have the love and support of my family and friends to help me through the tough times. You have that very same love and support. We all love you and hate to see you hurting. I am more than happy to lend an ear or even a shoulder to cry on. I haven't been in the same situation you are in, so I don't have any words of wisdom for you. But, I see no reason why you wouldn't be able to find someone out there that will make you happy and give you those things you missed out on with Chad. You are sweet, beautiful, fun-loving and have such a big heart. Don't give up. LOVE YA!!!
hey Traci, if anyone knows how you feel right.. I do!! believe me I'm so scared and having a very emotional holiday season, All I do is cry!!! Most days I dont want to get out of bed but I know I have to for me & my kids!! I'm always here if you want to talk or just get away, I'm always up for it! I love you and think about you always, I'll keep you and your family in my prayers, just hang in there!!! Your young and beautiful and I know you wont be single for long!!! you'll find happiness, I know you will!!! Keep in touch with me okay, Wendy
Post a Comment